In 1996 I participated in a three-day self-awareness workshop. It was enormously helpful and quite enlightening. One of many concepts I learned made a huge impact in my life—it was thousands of years old and it was called “BE-DO-HAVE”. It is a formula for achieving success in anything one desires. Simply explained it means that to achieve success in anything, my life and the choices I make going forward must follow this formula in it’s exact order.
To “BE” means to be the person who embodies everything that is a manifestation of my desire. I become a student, a lover, a helper, a participant, a listener, an absorber, and a magnet for whatever is my desire (doctor, singer, tennis player, or horse person).
When I allow myself to “BE” this, then I will clearly know what to “DO” that is necessary, required, and right in all my choices and decisions that involve whatever is my passion. I study, practice, give time to, ask for help, take risks, pay my dues, push my comfort zone, consider others (including horses), let go of my ego, be willing to succeed, and be willing to fail. I am happy “DOING” it all without expectations of any specific rewards—I simply love the process. It is always from “BEING” followed by “DOING” that I will obtain my most successful results.
Only then will I create the possibility to “HAVE” my desire manifested effortlessly and with joy. I will have become the “HAVE”—a successful doctor, singer, tennis player, or horse person). Years ago, before I worked with horses, like many people I practiced a different and often popular formula (especially in our culture) called “DO-HAVE-BE”. My concept of success was to “HAVE” an impressive sounding title, a large amount of money and possessions, to win awards, and be well known (read: famous).
The problem with this method is the heavy focus it puts on results. What I “HAVE” becomes more important than what and who I am. With this formula to “BE” successful means “HAVING” to achieve either certain amounts of money, recognition or awards. This causes me to “DO” everything I think will help me “HAVE” these things. The problem is although some things I do are necessary, required, and right, some things are not. My goals become more important than me and my principles.
Natural Horsemanship teaches me to put my relationship with my horse before any goal or purpose I have for him. It teaches me to never sacrifice my principles in order to achieve my goals. To be successful with horses in any discipline; dressage, trail riding, jumping, reining, or eventing, I have to first know horses. How they think, how they feel, what’s important to them, and what they are trying to tell me from their behavior.
If I can learn to think, feel, and communicate like a horse, I can “BE” like a horse. Then no matter what I “DO” with my horse it will be with mutual understanding, communication, and compassion—not force. He doesn’t “DO” what I ask because I make him do it, he does it because he wants to do it. Then we’re “BEING” and “DOING” together. It is then if we have the ability and talent to achieve our goals and together we will “HAVE” them all effortlessly and with joy.
When I’m chasing my goals, busy doing everything I think I must do to achieve them; I can sometimes become more of a Human Doing as opposed to a Human Being. Being in a relationship with a Human Doing is not fun. When someone cares more about their goals and using me to achieve them, it doesn’t feel good. Horses’ are just like humans. If they think they’re in my life only to ride them, jump them, dressage them, or race them, it doesn’t feel good and it’s no fun for them either.
Sometimes we get so focused on what we want our horses to “DO” we forget some of the reasons why we originally fell in love with them. First we must simply “BE” with them. Understanding, learning their way of communicating and having a relationship with compassion creates a foundation that will truly enable you to achieve your dreams. “BE” with your horse; “DO” everything together as partners. Then whether or not you achieve your goals, you and your horse will “HAVE” fun and “BE” the partners you both always wished for.
©Tim Hayes 2017
Tim Hayes is the author of RIDING HOME – The Power of Horses to Heal. It is this amazing power of horses to heal and teach us about ourselves that is accessible to everyone and found in the pages this book. To learn more about the book please visit ridinghome.com. Every book ordered will benefit children of families in need, veterans with PTSD and children with autism. For Natural Horsemanship Clinics, Private sessions and for more articles & blogs by Tim Hayes go to hayesisforhorses.com